Everyone needs a bit of laughter in their lives and this week seems like a good week for a smile distraction. Whether it’s the weather, politics or something else giving you the blues, enjoy the following attempts at humor.
Songs of the 60’s and 70’s:
Some of the artists of the 60’s and 70’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the “Limbo” as if it were yesterday. They include:
Bobby Darin – Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash
Herman’s Hermits – Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr – I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees – How Can You Mend A Broken Hip
Roberta Flack – The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash – I Can’t See Clearly Now
Paul Simon – Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
The Commodores – Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
Procol Harem – A Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer – You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations – Papa’s Got A Kidney Stone
Abba – Denture Queen
Tony Orlando – Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy – I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore – It’s My Procedure, And I’ll Cry If I Want To
Here’s something to take note of:
Senior Citizen Texting Codes
ATD – At The Doctors
BFF – Best Friend Fell
BTW – Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL – Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
ROFLACGU – Rolling On Floor Laughing and Can’t Get Up
TTYL – Talk To You Louder
Short Jokes / One Liners
You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
I’ll be spontaneous when I get around to it.
The source of all this week’s humor was from a website called “Seniorcitizenstories.com”.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. – Dr. Seuss
HAPPENINGS THIS WEEK:
Friday and Saturday, March 24th and 25th: The last days of the AAUW Used Book Sale at the Lewis Co. Mall starting today thru Saturday. All paperbacks are $2 and hardbacks – $3 today. Prices for the books go down each day. Saturday…is “fill a bag with books” day! All proceeds go to fund scholarships for young women attending Centralia College. Here’s a chance to pick up some “good reads” for spring and summer!
Friday – Sunday, March 24th-26th: ‘A Few Good Men’ Coming to Evergreen Playhouse “A Few Good Men” is a modern tale about the sacrifices military officers must make on a daily basis and how, sometimes, those sacrifices and choices have drastic consequences. Performances will be March 24-26, March 30-31, April 1-2 and April 6-9. Thursday shows are at 7:30 p.m., Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m.
Tickets are $10 for adults and $8 for students. They are available at the door or at www.evergreenplayhouse.com. The Evergreen Playhouse located at 226 W. Center St., Centralia
Saturday, March 25th: The Southwest Washington Dance Center invites you to the 25th annual Dance Festival Northwest on Saturday, March 25th at 7pm at Corbet Theater at Centralia College. You’ll get to see performances from nine different dance companies. Tickets are $15 for adults, and $10 for seniors, students and children. Get tickets and more information at the SW Washington Dance Center in Chehalis, Book n Brush in Chehalis and at swwdance.org.
Saturday, March 25th: The Master Gardeners of Lewis County will be holding a free workshop on Soil Health this Saturday, March 25th, from 10am-12pm, at the Fort Borst Demo Garden in Centralia. Learn what nutrients your soil needs to be more productive. Call 360-740-1216 for more information.
WEATHER: Rain for the next week is what the forecast is saying. Hopefully in lesser amounts than this past week. The sunshine later in the day, a few days this week was excellent! Spring is just around the corner (but keep your umbrella handy).
